goodbye 2017. hello 2018.
the new year is always exciting. a fresh start. new beginnings... but i have to be pretty transparent. this year is just different. usually i am really excited & feel like i have all the passion & encouragement to move forward... but i kinda feel like i'm picking up the pieces a little. im ready, but its been a transition.
2017 wasn't the best, wasn't the worst... it was kinda just there. & who wants to live that way? just existing? going through the day to day... the weirdest part is while it was happening i didn't feel this way. but now as i look back over the year i realized many things. on the outside i was put together. running a successful buisness, but really i still wanted more out of this life. it wasn't that i was unhappy but as i look back & narrow down what it was - i found that deep down i wasn't fully content w/ what i was putting out into the world. i can do better, i can be better. i wasn't happy w/ what i was doing or what i was a part of. so i decided it needed to change.
for those of you who don't know me well, my mom passed in october of 2014. i took a leap & started a small buisness about 9 months after she passed because i really needed something to pull me out of the hole of depression. that year i also started serving w/ youth in my church. i realized that i for sure wasn't taking risks on myself & my abilities in life so i just jumped in & went for it. life def got better... the season changed from unimaginable pain & depression (that i sure didn't want to admit) to lots of growth & challenges that really helped me get it together.
i was able to step away from teaching & go full time into my business... & for a while it was very good. but then seasons end. things change. life goes on... & sometimes when you stop & reflect it can be kind of scary. i got to a point in 2017 where i wasn't doing me. i was so overly consumed w/ so much that its all i thought about. everyday i would work myself to the bone w/ minimal outcome & for what? i was pouring so much out & not giving any time to refill my own cup. how can we be fully engaged in serving others if our own gas is own low?
it all snowballed & imploded on itself & i just said - i have to stop. i need to rest. i need to take a min & figure out what the heck i want - & more so what the lord has called & equipped me to do in this next season. he promises life & life abundantly - so i listened.
i made the switch. i closed my buisness... i shocked a lot of people. i made people upset. people said not nice things about me, but i know in my heart that sometimes you just can't please everyone & nor should you. when my god says this is what i need form you - you say okay... even if at the same time you are terrified of stepping into an unknown territory!
my word for 2018 is refocus. i'm a very determined person. i work hard. i am committed. i don't do things half way. its either all in or all out. but like i said - i've been a little brainwashed & truly need to tunnel in & refocus on all the things. refocus on christ. refocus on health. refocus on relationships. refocus on goals in my business. refocus on dating (ugh - least fav here! haha) daily intention to refocus my energy into things that lift me & others up.
i don't do resolutions... i need a full takeover on life.
i see myself doing great things - & if my brain is like a fish out of water then i'm gonna end of suffocating & drying up. i want to be refilled w/ intention to jump into everyday w/ the feeling of this is the best day of my life. success isn't just gonna come. it takes a lot of hard work. dedication. jumping.
i started a few books that are really giving me lots to think on. daily power : 365 days of fuel for your soul by my pastor craig groeschel & jump : take the leap of faith to achieve your life of abundance by my main man & lover steve harvey (yes i love him. don't judge)
my prayer for each of you in 2018 is that if you feel stuck in something - that you take just take a first step or jump. its scary. it takes faith. but the past two month of this journey w/ hello rae has given me confidence in what is to come. it was not easy to make the transition in 2017 but at the end of the day i knew 100% that if i was going to refocus & figure out what is next i had to make the move.
ive got my glasses on & they are in focus. who knows? tomorrow i may need to clean them off & refocus... but daily intentions to a better future is key.
2017, thanks for the lessons... but boy bye.
2018, hello friend, lets do this.